for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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