I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
