The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
