i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
