There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
