I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
