I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
