What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
