i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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