ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
