remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
