Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i out mim tonsoeep
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
