he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
