Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
