I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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