Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
