I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
