one might say we're banned from that church
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
