yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
