theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
