guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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