we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
