those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
