Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize