Define "chronic" masturbator.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
