I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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