Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize