I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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