his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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