Only a mothe r could love this liver
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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