So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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