dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
