somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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