I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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