He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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