this beer tastes like vomit already
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
