How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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