wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
