I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
