Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
