Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
