Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
