after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
