Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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