You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
