Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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