i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
