Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
