how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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