my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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