I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
