Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm passing your future prison.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
