This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
