This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there is glitter all over my balls
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