Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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