her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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