I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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