He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
