I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
