I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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