I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
