i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
