He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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