at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
