I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
