is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
