Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
