you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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