Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
