In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
