I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
